i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
