I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
