Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
