I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
My bed smells like the plague
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
