Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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