Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
