Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
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