all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
