Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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