Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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