when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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