I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
3 2 1 whiskey
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Randomize
