I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
