So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
50% drunk capacity currently
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
