She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
