Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Drunk is not a location!
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