And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
