I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
whose parrot is this?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
