I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
