I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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