he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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