You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
My underwear smells like fireworks.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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