It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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