I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Did I show you my penis last night?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize