3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
