Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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