He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
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i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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