Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
