My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
