you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
whose ass print is on the piano?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
