I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
