When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
organizing the empties. That sober.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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