I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
