I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
