I got chris browned last night
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
