How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
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I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
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Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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