Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
