he puts the penis in happiness.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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