so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
