She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
