there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She even gives head with a lisp.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
