Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
