We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
