Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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