nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
