Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
