I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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