You're so nebulous sometimes
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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