i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
