Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
wow bdsm is so cute
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
