Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
