I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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