do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i came on her dog
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
