Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Barsexuality is the new black.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
