thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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