How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
