his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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