I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
