as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
