you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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